Disarray

Do you ever feel that NOTHING is coming together? That your entire life is in a state of confusion?

Okay, work with me on this. My life can be seen as a giant puzzle. We all have those moments where the puzzle is complete. It all fits together and everything is in it's place. I, however, am NOT having one of those moments. All the puzzle pieces are spread far, out and open across the table, with me scrambling to find the right pieces to fit where they go and to just see the "big picture." I don't feel at ease about anything, I am freaking out because I am not finding the puzzle pieces that I feel are essential at this moment. I don't have a job, yet I am moving out in June. I am applying everywhere, yet nothing is coming from it. I have my friends, you know the friends that you keep for the rest of your life, yet I can't take them with me. I want to move to the big city, but I am terrified. My life has become a series of buts, and yets.
I keep telling myself that God has it under control. He never LOST control. I keep thinking though that this whole time, my problem has been not talking to God about this. I keep pushing Him aside. I think it is due to my fears, and my wants, and not wanting anyone or anything interfere. I know He is there, waiting for me to give it to Him, but I just can't seem to let Him have it all. I know where I want to be, but I have yet to address God and His feelings toward the matter. Why is it so difficult to let God in?
I have a plan God. You know my plan. You knew it when You made me. Lord, you know the desires of my heart. You have plans for me. Plans to prosper, and not to harm me. You are everything. I know you love me and want what's best for me. Let me see that God. Soften my heart to You, and your desires for me. Take my stubbornness away. I want to give you control.